Friday, July 16, 2004

The anxious mind

Summer is in full swing and that means I am inching closer to Fall--a significant fact considering I will be going to Western Washington U.  My mind is strangely free of preconceptions about what it will be like and I'm not one to fall prey to high-hopes.  I do, though, have a knack for getting childish excitement about some of the campus architecture.  I was recently afforded the privilege of a campus tour courtesy of Sarah (thanks again!) and my first impressions were favorable.  I must admit I am pleasantly surprised by the look of the place.  True, it was during the Summer when it is so much less crowded but I doubt it will make a big difference.

I don't really know how I will fare in my studies because in one sense, while I do hold a two-year degree, I might just as well have never attended college if you want to compare the academic standards of a community college against a university--a disquieting thought.  Ultimately, though, I cannot doubt that I am in the right place.  There are just too many things which have smacked of God's faithful guidance in my life leading up to this point that I really ought not to feel anything but complete trust by now.  If only that were so!  How easily I often find something to help add doubt and confusion to the mix.

I was recently impressed by the passage in Luke 12 which deals with worry.  It's funny how some things don't hit you hard enough to matter until you need them most.  I've always thought that the essence of this passage was about the folly of worrying:

And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? -verse 25

i.e. Don't sit and pull your hair out till the wee hours of the morning--it's unhealthy and will eventually get you all sick and dead!  That isn't all, though.  The thing which struck me about it this time was this verse:

And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind. -verse 29

"...nor have an anxious mind." Not only does he tell us to trust him, we are to completely give up anxiety as an acceptable way of dealing with our troubles.  Jesus isn't saying: "it's ok to be a little anxious as long as you trust Me."  No, He instead insists on an entirely different way of thinking!  Isn't is odd how we say we trust God to work out His own will in our lives and still hold on tightly to our precious anxiety?  We kneel and pray for God to help us make an important decision, pouring it all out at His feet and "trusting" Him to carry us through...  Then we get up off our knees and pick up right where we left off.

One thing is for certain--God has yet to resort to the "hard way" (whatever that is) in teaching me to trust Him.

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