Friday, January 07, 2005

The dictates of necessity

This pause... so I can get a few words out that aren't related to something in a feature on tsunamis or a news piece about transit. I've run up against a deadline with one less interview than needed--and the weekend just started so that means I won't get the least not now, when I need it...

...but that's not what I came here for.

I'm back here on the meneltarma to contemplate. During today's encounter with frustration, my mind flitted (as it is wont to do) over the bigger picture, or something my mind thought was the bigger picture. A voice told me that I really don't need to do this--I don't really like it anyway, so what was the big idea, putting myself through the toughest class at the university--and for what? It's only going to get worse, the voice said. Just look at what others do when they reach the end of the road you are on. There are other options, the voice said.

The voice sounded wonderful and exotic. I do have other options, I thought. But that's where the voice dimmed.

Other options? I have other options to be sure, and none of them are practical without finishing at Western what I came there to do. It's not like I'm some kind of anomaly of a student who can whip in and out of majors and career choices without any thought at all. If I had that talent, I wouldn't be thinking thoughts about change in the first place because I could handle what I'm doing now with no sweat.

But this was only the first week of this quarter and I've been thinking it was going to be rough all along. The roughest so far? Yup. Thought about that, contemplated it... So why did this come as such surprise?
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