Thursday, July 22, 2004

The over-enlightened mind

Ladies and Gentlemen,

It takes a higher form of observation to pick on little things around you which, if considered with the proper care and perspective, are full of humor and irony! Ok, so what I mean to say is, if you are crazy enough everything will appear funny!

I am determined to cultivate this standard of observation. I consider it an art. Before you get the idea that I am doing this to attain a higher level of insanity, let me just say that while I agree with that evaluation of my effort, I also believe it takes a higher level of intelligence to reach that higher level of insanity! I intend to share my enlightened perspective on life on a regular basis until I am so hounded by protest from the sane world that I am forced into silence! The last week or so has been a rich one for such things.

Observation 1:

I have this thing about doors. I'm actually quite self-conscious about it! Every time I'm visiting some business--or any place with a glass door for that matter--I rarely fail to push or pull the door in the wrong direction. I did it today on my way out of Starbucks (yes, I finished another book--more on that later). It was a push door...no, I think it was pull...no, I can't remember actually. Suffice it to say, I got it wrong yet again.

That's not all. I was in another place less then an hour later! This time there were two glass doors in a row! Sounds daunting for my type! But no, it was clearly marked this time, "PULL" (doors are almost always marked--I just noticed it this time). I dutifully pulled and it worked like it was supposed to work. I finally did it right! I was feeling quite smug about it all until I noticed a minor detail. The door was a swinging door. Yeah, that's right--it was a push and pull door! *Don't worry Mark, tomorrow's another day...*

Observation 2:

Ah yes, the bumper stickers! We all speed up so we can see what it written on the car in front of us. They are the creators of cliche and redundancy, the pieces flashy art which deface the vehicle and even more often the driver. Even so, we are always hoping to see something original and funny on the vehicle in front of us and when we do, we get the idea that it must be an awfully clever driver who would wear such wit on his car's rear-end! If only I could find something just as funny to put on my rear-end!

Hear ye my friends! They are often more funny then they intend--especially when we use our excellent "higher observation!" I saw one the other day which said in cliche dodging bold letters: "Attack Iraq? NO!" Sure, the wording is original and I give them full marks for reviving such an outdated theme in such a new way. There was a second sticker to the left though. A little hard to read but this is what it said almost in preface to the other one: "Reality is for people who lack imagination." Beautiful! That explains everything!

Observation 3:

You all love bugs on the windshield don't you? Yeah, me too. What is summer without them? Ok, so today I was driving away from a four-way stop light when I happened to get a rare urge to floor it. It was clear for a few miles so I did. I was just about to reach an unmentionable speed when the most thrilling thing happened! All I noticed at the time was a sudden tick sound and then there was a bright splash of color on my windshield! No kidding! It was really colorful--a bright cherry color at first glance. Really, I had no idea there were bugs with those qualities. I thought color in bugs was reserved for the exoskeleton. The irony is that the color of the trim on our house also is a dark cherry--and it's peeling away. We've been wanting to get that fixed for some time and we will soon, most likely. It just figures, though, that my windshield would get plastered with that color before we get our chance to do the house.

Alright, I'm done...for now. Are we ready for the next round or is that enough?
<< Home 4 Comments:
Blogger Jason Frank. said...

If you start wearing a bumper sticker on your rear-end, then don't expect me to be seen with you. :-D

11:00 AM, July 24, 2004  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now Jason that surprises me. Frankly, wearing a bumper sticker on one's rear-end should not...I repeat, should Not!... seem weird or excessive to someone who has a tendancy to run around fast food joints in the rain barefooted. IMHO.

Jackie. ;)

11:59 PM, July 30, 2004  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now Jason that surprises me. Frankly, wearing a bumper sticker on one's rear-end should not...I repeat, should Not!... seem weird or excessive to someone who has a tendancy to run around fast food joints in the rain barefooted. IMHO.

Jackie. ;)

12:20 AM, July 31, 2004  
Blogger Jason Frank. said...

I don't mind drawing attention to my bare feet. However, who really wants to advertise their rear end to the world by pasting a message on it?

Methinks it would be extremely difficult to make that a serious endeavor.

10:48 PM, July 31, 2004  

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