Coffee Speak

"Double, grande, whip-whip, non-fat, decaf, white chocolate mocha…"

You know, I thought I had a pretty good command of the English language, and maybe I do. Maybe what I hear so often from the Starbucks baristas is actually not a rightful part of the English language! Yes, I like to think of this as a different language. After all, what could it possibly have to do with me? I walk into a place like Starbucks and ask for coffee. Only once has someone asked me what kind of specific brew I preferred! I gave a kind of blank look and refrained from telling them what was really running through my head: Wow, there's actually an alternative to stuff I've been drinking--the stuff which tastes worse than burnt. Hmmm, maybe there is hope for this place after all!

Now, don't get me wrong--I do appreciate a place like Starbucks for the whole product they offer: a low-key, open, convenient, coffee shop with good business sense. I just don't know what to make of the stuff they serve. I hear some people tell me they like the "specialty drinks" ... The what? OH! That must have something to do with the strings of unfamiliar vocalization that I so often mistake for a foreign language! I guess I understand--up to a point. I understand that I don't have time to learn a foreign language while also working and taking classes down the road from this coffee shop. I understand that I will just have to put up with the one or two of the pathetic "basic brews" they offer to illiterate students like me.

Till then, I will not worry that my morning brew doesn't come with a charming, or rather, a fantastically long description. You tell me what the difference is between a wet or dry cappuccino, a caramel latte or a macchiato...or even better: a coffee or a COFFEE!